Riverside Park: a home for shameless jocks

Riverside Park. Gotta love it.

After spending most of Sunday in Riverside, I came to the conclusion that there is no better place in the world to play sports and stay in shape. I like to think Riverside Park is where all the oddball athletes choose to engage in their guilty pleasures of physical fitness. It’s full of people who take those “Exercise… because life’s too short to just sit around and enjoy it” posters hung up all over health clubs way seriously. I mean it: The regulars at Riverside Park will shamelessly do anything to let loose and stay active.

I’m assuming we’ve all been to the park at one point or another. But have we all really looked at it? I mean, really looked at it?

This weekend was a glorious time for me to take a break from Butler and steal a peek at park-goers in their prime. Based on some of the things I saw this weekend, I’m here to offer you a list of refreshing new ways to stay in shape in Morningside Heights.

Quidditch, anyone? That’s right, folks: Hogwarts has come to the Heights in wizard sport form. At the park, I spotted a group of Harry Potter fans teaming up for a game of Quidditch, using not much more than brooms and balls. With mops jammed between their legs, the gang galloped around like idiots, pegging each other with dodgeballs (Bludgers) and hurling soccer balls (Quaffles) into hoops. From what I gathered, it was a pretty rough game. And they say Columbia kids don’t know the meaning of “sports.” Pshh.

Next, I moved my attention to the northern part of the park, where some old lady was playing hacky sack all by herself. I’d put money down that this granny could easily crush any bro in the art of sack. So next time you’ve really got the itch to do something active, but all your lame friends are staked out in the library, jog down to 120th street and Riverside and look for the broad in the cat sweater with the bean bag. I’ll tell you right now that she would probably love your company… and the chance to kick your butt at hacky sack.

Later, I observed something interesting that any Barnard babysitter could do on the job. Down on 96th Street, some twisted Manhattan mom was enjoying the day by taking her toddler out for a run—quite literally. Now, I don’t know if any of you have ever been a witness to this brand of “leashed kids” before, but it’s quite a scene. Dressed in matching running suits, mother and son jogged along the Hudson River, linked by a leash. And as they arrived at a park bench, I watched the mother hitch her leashed son to the bench leg and then sit to read a newspaper. The child looked up at his mom with big eyes that begged her to play with him. No response. After realizing that she was not going to budge, he decided to make a break for it.

The child braced himself and charged full speed in one direction. When his leash ran out, he snapped backwards and was yanked to the ground. After many futile attempts at freedom, the boy plopped in dirt, exhausted. Shortly after, the mother decided to continue the workout. She untied her son and tugged him along to finish the run down the Hudson.

Okay, so maybe you could find better ways to stay active than by dragging leashed kids with you on your jogs. But it’s a thought.

Perhaps you may have even fallen under the category of college students who got in on the action this weekend. On Sunday, I creeped on the Columbia club runners trotting around town. I saw a couple college girls join the high school shirts and skins pickup soccer game. One Columbian challenged a young girl to a tree-climbing contest (he lost). Some of you played tennis and baseball and Ultimate Frisbee. Others of you raided Dinosaur Playground like warriors, prompting many parents to pluck their children from the sandpits and go elsewhere. I saw the whole thing.

So when it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood and your inner jock is begging to be set free, head to the park. I’m sure whatever sport you try there will fit in just fine. In Riverside, anything goes.